Today is my birthday. I started the day feeling down, for so many reasons: an old friend of mine picked My Birthday to bring up some things that were hurtful, I am all alone today since I have been jobless since Monday. I went to get a massage that turned out terrible. I did get a gift certificate though in case I wanted to ever come back. Trying to make my day a good one didn’t seem to work so I headed home.
See, I was really trying to not feel sorry for myself and do something for me, like all my close friends and relative always tell me I should do. I always put everyone else first and usually don’t like wasting money on myself. Then when I do, it doesn’t seem to work. But this time, I didn’t give up. I called up a different massage place, got an appointment and finally got the massage I deserved and needed. I walked home, feeling content and decided to write a post.
I have been gone for so long and have truly missed writing, one of my passions. I will soon go back to writing about random things, health, politics, and other things, you, my dear readers love but for now, I need to express and share a bit of me and my “wisdom”.
Since Monday, I have been worried about how I was going to provide for my family now that I was jobless. I have many moments of ” freaking out, OH MY GOG what am I gonna do, how am I gonna pay for this and that”. But I also have to be honest and admit that I have had many moments of liberation. Monday night, in the shower, I felt like I had just been released from prison, or as if I was alive again.
Having someone repress you everyday is the worst thing a human being can go through. Not being able to be yourself is a shame and a tragedy. At the end of the day, you are more than your paycheck, you are more than your commute and how much stuff you buy, how often you travel, what you do for the holiday. Deep down, you are YOU, a fertilized egg who grew slowly and was influenced negatively or positively by those who raised you. But really, you are just a peaceful piece of nature, or miracle and more than anything you owe it to yourself and nature/God to live your life, the way you want it and to be happy.
I am tired of explaining who I am to those who do not get me. I am tired of trying to please everyone. And so what if people don’t like me….does it mean I am less than they are? No. I am still this little piece of nature. I was obviously meant to be here. So good riddance bad jobs, good riddance bad people or bad friends. I don’t owe you anything. I owe myself more. I owe Nature more. I owe my child more.
The purpose of this blog was always to support those who do not feel like they belong……(fill in the blank). This is for the beautiful souls who are talented and intelligent and those who want peace and love and understanding around them and are shut down by the others who tell them they are not being realistic. Who are they to decide what we can and cannot do? What we should and should not do?
I am tired of trying to fit in and having to explain myself (I know I am repeating myself).
Everything is ok. I am warm. Everything around me is calm right now. I am listening to Debussy. There is a lot to do and think about and figure out but for now, right now. Everything is ok.
Remember, if you feel like you do not fit in, it just means you are around the wrong people and you have yet to find those who are like minded. Send out a message to that world. Maybe they will come to you.